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Ronnie Cant Swag

Flushing In A Blackout

It was the middle of the summer, and to cope with the fact that it was hotter than hell, and everyone and their mother was running their A/C full blast, the city of Los Angeles had started instituting rolling blackouts. After all, they argued, if they didn't, the power to the entire city might get knocked out. While the people grumbled about it, there was really nothing that they could do, now could they?

Ronnie Radke was one of these people, and he grumbled a bit more than the rest. After all, if he had no electricity, how the hell could he spread his annoying presence across the internet? And how did he know that he wasn't being discriminated against by the local power company? Or the government for that matter?

Yes, my friends, Ronnie Radke was convinced that he was being discriminated against. Being none too bright, even after he had heard of the rolling blackouts over the radio, and on the news, he still flipped his shit when the power went out. The first thing he did was call up the power company, and proceeded to curse out the poor sap on the other side.

"Ya'll niggas turned out my power! I paid my fuckin' bill!"

"Sir, there's rolling blackouts, and right now, your area is probably affected."

"I don't give a fuck! I paid my fuckin' bill, there ain't no reason to be fuckin' turning out the lights on me!"


"This is discrimination!"

"If you would-"

And then, the call dropped, as the cell towers overloaded, and the signal was lost. What wasn't lost, however, was the fact that Ronnie was a complete idiot. The person who had gotten cursed out, along with the author, questioned how in the hell Ronnie knew such a large word as discrimination, much less what it meant and how to use it. Later, the people who had heard of this incident, especially if they knew the singer, would question the same damn thing.

Pissed about his lack of service, he threw his phone at the wall.

About an hour later, he had to piss. He did so, but hesitated before flushing. What if it didn't work because of the blackout? What if he managed to have half the sewer system come back up through his porcelain throne?

You and I, reasonable, fairly intelligent creatures, would understand that this was very unlikely, and that once there was water in the tank, it would flush, and that you usually only got a backup if you had a septic tank, or some sort of blockage. However, Radke had never even heard of common sense, and as such, he panicked.

He went back into his living room, and retrieved his phone from the floor. Miraculously, the signal had come back, at least for them time being. Not knowing who else to call, he called 911.

"911, what is your emergency?"

"Yeah, I took a piss, and I ain't got no power, can I flush?"

"Yes. Do you need anything else, sir?"

"Nah, I'm good. " With that, Ronnie hung up.

On the other side, the call operator turned to the guy next to her, and said, "That's the fifth idiot in the past half hour that's called to ask if they can flush in a blackout."



Added "Get back in the silverware drawer!" to my vocab. And if this story continued only in vocab chapters I'd still be pretty happy. Thank you for this story

Also, the commenter before me gets mad swiggity swag points for giving me the term 'Oh my Jinxx'.

onefinalfightdoe onefinalfightdoe

Oh my Jinxx, please update, this is the funniest thing ever! I don't know how many times I laughed till I cried while reading this!


Why thank you :)
This is awesome.
Holy shit I dont think I have ever laughed this hard ever!!!
Pinja. Pinja.