*Carson's POV*

I lit up a cigarette. Jinxx scolded me for it. I laughed.

'Jinxxy, lighten up. This is supposed to be a fun ass day!'

I said with a huge smile, tucking myself into Ian's side just a little bit more than i already was.

'Yeah but you're only 15.'

Jinxx said. Alright, here we go. He wanted to have this argument again. I never fought with any of the guys, but when we did, it was usually me & Jinxx about my heavy smoking. Andy cut in before it got out of hand.

'Jinxx, you know she smokes, she always has, there's nothing you, me, or anyone else can do about it, no shut up & let's enjoy this day.'

Jinxx huffed. I scooted out of Ian's grasp to give Jinxx a hug. He hugged me back.

'Lets get some music on! Bring me the Horizon! I need Oli in my life!'

I screamed while everyone laughed. CC, who was driving put on Shadow Moses.

'I thought i burried you! & Covered the tracks! You'll have to take this with your cold dead hands!'

I yelled after the chorus.

'Uh, you know all of Bring Me The Horizon's gonna be there with us right?'

Andy asked. I flipped. I had no fucking clue. I took the last drag on my cigarette, throwing it out of my window. We just pulled into the amusement park parking lot when we spotted Oli.

'Holy fuck!'

I screamed.

'Babe. Stop fangirling! It gets you no where. I've learned it the hard way.'

Ian popped his hip at an attempt to make a joke. It was pretty funny. I jumped out of the car. I was going to run to the band but they started running to me.

'Holy mother fuck! Are you the famous Carson Mora Coma?!'

Oli screamed.

'You're even more beautiful in person!'

Matt shouted. I looked over at CC. Then at Andy. Then at the rest of the guys.

'Okay you cockmunches, How much did you pay these heavenly men to say that?'

I asked. They all put their hands up in defense. Oli hugged me.

'We have just really been wanting to meet you.

'If you're fucking with me i'm gonna kill you because i love you guys. We just listened to Sempiternal the whole way here.'

I said, leaving out the "I need Oli in my life" Part. They laughed.

'Not fucking with you, i promise.'

Oli said in his accent. I laughed taking Ian's hand. We got in line & paid for our tickets.

'What ride first?'

Ashley asked, completely serious. We all stood there for a second, not knowing what ride to go on. We chose the ride that went up & swirled.

'I'm not sitting on the end seat because i'll fucking die!'

I said. I have a fear of roller coasters, but i wasn't going to be the one to tell everyone that. We all got into our seats & strapped in. The ride roared to life & began to go. Everyone screamed & put their hands up.

'Wooo!'

Ian shouted. I went along with him even though i just wanted this day to be over already. The ride was finally over.

'You guys want to eat?'

Andy asked. Everyone nodded but me. My old habbits were coming back. For the past two weeks, every food item that has entered my stomach has exited it within an hour. We decided on sandwiches from some shop in the amusement park. Once we i had nit picked at mine, i ate half of it. I needed to go throw it up. Now.

'I have to go to the bathroom.'

I said, blankly. I walked to the bathroom. Thankfully there was a one person bathroom open. I walked in & bent over the toilet. I stuck my finger down my throat touching my adoms apple when all of a sudden there was a knock at the door. I couldn't answer it because the vomit pushed past my finger & into the toilet bowl. Oli walked in.

'Carson...'

He took a long look at my vomit covered finger & the vomit in the toilet bowl. He rushed over to me, then stood back up locking the door.

'How long?'

He asked. A tear slid down my cheek. He wiped it away with the pad of his thumb.

'A month or so. I used to do it a lot before i moved in with CC..'

I said, hoping he wouldn't ask about my self harming & depression.

'& Then i found out how hard it is to really change. Even Hell can get comfy once you've settled in. I just wanted the numb inside me to leave. No matter how fucked you get, there's always Hell when you come back down. The funny thing is, all i ever wanted i already had. There's glimpses of Heaven in everything. In the friends that i have, In the music i make, in the love that i feel. I just had to start again..'

Oli said to me. I realized the words as the beggining lyrics to "Hospital for Souls." Another tear escaped my eye.

'It won't leave me alone, Oli..'

He enveloped me in a hug.

'I know, sweetie. I know. It'll all get better. I know it seems like it never will but one day it will. I fucking promise you.'

Oli said. He got up & walked out of the bathroom while i stuck my finger down my throat again. Nothing Oli just said could change the fact that i was a fat cow & i needed to loose weight.. I got up & washed myself off, leaving the bathroom.

'You ready?'

Jake asked when i got back to the table. I nodded, the depression hitting me. We rode one more ride before the park would close. We all piled into the car & started driving. I lit a cigarette & took a long drag. I only had one left.

'CC. i'm gonna need more cigarettes.'

I said. Right before the semi hit us.

Notes

Ready for some fucking action? CLIFFHANGER.