*Carson's Pov*

I woke up in a cold sweat. There was no one laying beside me. Ian had to go back to his house because his parents needed him there for a few weeks. That meant i would be spending those few weeks by myself. I was all alone having these nightmares. I wiped the sweat off of my forehead.

'Fuck.'

I muttered to myself as i pulled myself up onto my elbows. This was now the third time just this week i was having the same nightmare. My mother & father escaped jail. They found me & took me back. But that was just making the story short. I swung my legs over the bed & walked into the bathroom. I looked in the mirror. My black hair hung in my eyes, & my eyes had bags underneath them. I lifted my shirt. My ribs were jutting out & i had bruises on them from holding my sides. I let out a sigh. I knew i would end up going down the same path again. I shut the door to the bathroom, even though the bathroom was connected to my room & pulled down my pants. I sat on the toilet & peed.

'Dahvie!'

I heard Ashley yell. Great, they were up. If they were up, that meant that Dahvie was going to come check on me. Dahvie had been a great friend to me & in the time he's been staying with us, he's been making sure that i've eaten my food & he's checked my legs & arms for fresh cuts. But, i guess he doesn't know that i still purge my food because i can't keep it up. I try to eat it, because i'm truly hungry. It just comes right back up. I got off of the toilet & looked in the mirror. I sighed.

'Carson Marie if i go in that room & you're laying in bed you're in trouble. Today is your last day of school!'

CC said. Shit. I forgot. Last day of school. I've been so tied up in everything else that i forgot that today was the last day of school before summer break. Yes, Warped Tour soon. CC came in my room & i opened the bathroom door so he could see me.

'I'm awake, dear brother.'

I said. He gave me a sarcastic grin & a middle finger.

'Get your ass ready & come down for breakfast.'

Fuck. I would have to find a way to purge my food before school. Just then i thought of the perfect way. I walked downstairs in my pajamas & sat at the table. Lauren put a full plate of pancakes & eggs in my face with a glass of orange juice & a fork. I ate most of my food & then put my ADHD pill in my pocket with everyone thinking i consumed it. I walked back into my room & Shut the door. I walked to the bathroom & stuck my finger down my throat. Once i was finished i consumed my ADHD pill & finished getting ready.

'Come on, are you ready?'

CC asked me. I nodded getting into his car. I was ready for this hell to be over with. We held senseless conversation during the ride to school, but once we got there, i didn't want to go in.

'I love you, if they try anything, text me.'

CC said to me before i left the car. But that was the problem, they always tried something.

'Okay.'

Was all i said. I didn't want to get too into detail with CC right now on my bullying. I don't like talking about it much at all, but i can't keep it from the guys when they saw me getting beaten before. I sighed & walked away from the car. I saw CC's car drive away. Apparently so did the clique of tough bitches. They charged at me. Fuck. My first instinct was to run. I ran at the building but i got trapped against the walls.

'Hahahahaha, you'll never learn will you? We will always get you. We're always gonna get you, Carson. Today's the last day of school, you're going to get it ten times worse.'

That was the last thing she said to me before she punched me in the mouth. Blood started to pour. I was grabbed by my hair & sent to the ground.

'You're a fat, emo, cow that no one wants. Why don't you just kill yourself already?'

Don't let it get to you, Carson. Their just trying to get you down. I thought to myself but those words fluttered around my head. Another blow came to my gut from a foot. Shit, that one hurt. I let out a moan. One of the girls grabbed me by my hair & slammed my face into the wall. I felt the blood escape my face. I got stomped on some more before the girls left. Yep, a typical day at school for Carson Mora Coma. I sighed & picked myself up off the floor. I trudged through the hallways seeing the kids laugh at my bloody face. I walked into the bathroom & cleaned off my face.

'Fuck, are you okay?'

Asked a girl i didn't recognize.

'Uh, not really. I don't mean to be rude, but do i know you?'

I asked trying to be as polite as possible.

'I'm Jen. I'm in your physics class.'

Ah.

'That's why i don't know you. I pay a lot of attention because that class kicks my ass.'

I said, she smiled & started helping me clean myself off. She seemed like a pretty nice girl. But i couldn't trust anyone. I pulled out my phone & dialed Ian's number.

Him ; Hello?
Me ; Are you gonna be in school today?
Him ; I'm getting out of the car now, why? Is everything okay? Did they hurt you already? It's not even first period yet.
Me ; No, babe. I'm fine. They didn't touch me. I uh. I just wanted to see you because you'll be at home for a couple weeks.
Him ; Oh, yeah i'm coming in now.
Me ; Okay.
Him ; I love you.
Me ; I love you too.

I sighed.

'Do you have any cover up. I hate lying to Ian, but this would really push him over. I couldn't do that to him, & he'll probably see me get my ass beat some more today.'

I asked Jen who was sitting on an air vent. She nodded pulling out cover up. She applied it to my bruises & cuts carefully.

'Thank you so much. You know. Here's my number. Text me some time.'

I said, giving her my number. She smiled sweetly & walked out of the bathroom. I walked out too.

'Babe, over here!'

Ian called to me. I saw him & smiled. It hurt to smile but i tried my hardest. By the time 6th period was over, i had gotten beaten over 12 times. They just didn't want to leave me alone because today was the last day of school.

'Bye baby. I love you.'

Ian said to me before getting in his mother's car. I watched them drive away. I was waiting for Andy or CC or one of the guys to show up when i felt a sharp blow to my face.

'You thought you were leaving here without a little extra gift?'

Said one of the girls. Shit. I looked up & she had more than her usual three. I counted 18. Shiiiit. I tried to get up but was pushed back down by a dude. My head was instantly bashed into the building.

'You emo cunt, die for all we fucking care!'

Screamed one girl. I kept my composure as i took another blow to the gut. I was lying on the ground & they were just beating the fuck out of me. Where the fuck were the guys? They had to be running at least 20 minutes late. The girl grabbed my face & slammed it into the building one more time before her & the whole mob of people left. I laid there helpless, by myself for a good half an hour. I didn't cry. I was laying there completely emotionless. It was after that half an hour that i saw Jake's truck pull up. I tried to get up, but my legs wouldn't. I couldn't move. So i crawled there. When i got in the truck, Jake immidiatley started talking.

'I'm sorry i was late i had some stuff i had to do & the line was so fucking lo-'

Then he took a look at me. The blood started pouring from my face again & once i touched my face to remove the blood i started crying. Jake reached over & just hugged me.

'Shhhh, it'll be okay.'

But it wouldn't be okay.

'No it won't. They beat me, in total, 14 times today...'

I said. Jake looked awed. His awe went to concern which went to anger. He couldn't even do anything about it because it was the last day of school.

'Can you move anything?'

He asked. I shook my head no. He started to drive. But not like a normal driver, he drove super fast. Then i realized where we were.

'Jake, i don't need to be here.'

I said, when i realized we were at the local hospital.

'Yes you do. I texted CC he knows you're here & he's on his way.'

He said. I groaned. He carried me into the hospital & walked up to the desk.

'How may i help you?'

The lady asked before looking up. But, when she saw all the blood she immediatley told us to go back.

'What exactly happened?!'

The doctor asked as nurses were putting an IV in me & pumping it with pain killers.

'She is bullied all the fucking time. Today was the last day of school & the bullies took it too far. They beat her 14 separate times today.'

Jake said to the doctor. A wave of sadness covered his face. He started cleaning me up & then gave me a gown to change into. I went to the little bathroom & changed quickly, handing Jake my clothes when i got out. I laid on my bed. The words running through my head.

'You fat, emo, cow. No one wants you. Why don't you just kill yourself.'

Whore, slut, worthless, ugly, fat, emo, dyke.

All the words clouded my brain & i burst out in silent tears. I wished i was at home with my blade. Where i could slice my thighs open to make myself feel better, but i couldn't. I'd have to deal with feeling like shit. Jake came back in the room, but this time he had CC, Ashley, Andy, & Jinxx.

'I called Ian. He can't come right now but he'll be here later.'

CC said. I sighed in relief. I didn't want him to see me break down the way i knew i would. Jinxx came & laid in the bed with me.

'It'll all be okay.'

i lost it then. The tears flew freely & i spit out my words.

'I'm so fucking tired of hearing that. I know all you're trying to do is help but really, Jinxx? When will it get better? Because i've been waiting around for fucking ever waiting for it to get better & it still hasn't! I want it all to end! I want to take my life but i don't for the sake of you guys & Ian! Do you know what it feels like to be alone at 2am trapped with nothing but your thoughts? It fucking sucks! Or feeling like you NEED to throw up your food after you eat so that the girls at school won't call you an emo cow. But either way, they still do. You try to find hope in every little thing but when you trace the scars & cuts that line your skin you feel no reason to stay alive anymore. Especially when you're laying on the school ground bleeding half to death because you were just beaten by an army of 18 students that hate you.'

I said with the tears streaming down my face. I didn't realize that the doctor was standing there until he cleared his throat.

'Shit.'

I muttered to myself. Jinxx rubbed my back with tears falling from his eyes.

'I never knew that's how it was for you...'

He said, i nodded with a weak smile. I just opened up completely to my family. I don't know if that was a good thing because now i don't know what would happen.

'May i speak to you Mr. Mora-Coma.'

The doctor said to CC.

*CC's POV*

I stepped out of the room with the doctor.

'Did you know that your sister was feeling this way?'

He asked me. That means that he must've heard everything that Carson just said. I knew i heard it loud & clear & it broke my heart that that's how she felt & we never noticed it before.

'No, doctor. I never knew that she felt this way.'

I said, honestly because that was the truth. He sighed.

'Well.. I don't know what we can do. We're going to need to treat her injuries first, then see what we can do about the depression. You might want to consider keeping her here or at Radley for a week or two. '

The doctor said. I stared at him with disbelief.

'Do you really think i'm going to put my sister in a fucking mental hospital?!'

I said, soft enough so that she wouldn't be able to hear in her room.

'It's just a suggestion, Mr. Coma.'

He said.

'I'm not putting her in Radley unless things get worse. She doesn't need it, we can work it out on our own.'

I said that & walked back into the room. But was i in denial that Carson wanted to die? I knew that she wanted to die but i didn'y want to believe it. I didn't want to lose her again.

Notes

Yes, i stole Radley from Pretty Little Liars.