Die For You.
Hopless.
*Carson's POV*
'Why can't you do anything right?!'
My mother screamed at me, sending me down the stairs. I asked myself the same question. Why couldn't i do anything right? What was wrong with me? Why was i still living in this house where everything i did i was punished for? Mom ran down the stairs & started stomping on my ribs. This time it was cause i came home with a new piercing. I have including the piercing i'm getting beaten for, my septum, shark bites, & my tongue pierced. I knew coming home with it pierced was going to be a shit fit, but i wanted it done.
'Why the fuck would you have something like that done?! You disgusting piece of shit!'
My mom screamed, walking back into the kitchen. Clearly done. I wish all this was over, but it wasn't. I knew it never would be till i turned 18. That was three years away.. Could i make it that long? I hoped so. I picked myself off of the floor right as another blow to my face came.
'Uhhhhhhhhh.'
I moaned. My mom walked away, really done this time. I walked into my room. The private place where my mom never entered & my dad only entered at night.. On Wednesday's & Friday's at 4am.. I was prepared every week & i tried every week to stop it, but i couldn't.. Once i was in my room the tears wouldn't stop flowing. I wanted it all to quit. I walked into the bathroom that was linked to my room & pulled out my blade.
'Why can't i be a normal teenager with lots of friends & a nice boyfriend?'
I mumbled, quietly to myself before slicing open my thighs. As an hour rolls by, my eyes are starting to roll into the back of my head from all the blood loss, but i can't let myself die as much as i want to.. Because if i didn't die quick enough & my parents found me, i would be in a lot of trouble. I picked myself up off of the floor & grabbed a towel out of the linen cabnet. I cleaned all the blood from the floor & patted my legs down. I jumped into the shower as i watched the blood pour down the drain. I sat on the bathroom floor & cried.
'I want to die.'
I said as i heard both of my parents leave the house.
'Please, who ever 's up there, weather you're a god or not, take me away from all of this.. I can't handle it anymore. Please...'
I whispered the last part. I didn't want to be here anymore.
*CC's POV*
If i could find her, my life would be complete. I had the women of my dreams & my band was already amazing, now i just needed my sister. Carson had been gone from me for such a long time... I'm 27 now & Carson is 15. I haven't seen her since she was Six. That's nine long years of seeing my little sister.. My parents just took her & left. I don't know where they went to, they never stayed in contact.. But, i think that was the point. If i could just see her beautiful smiling face one more time, i would be happy.
'Lauren, i need to find her.. She's all i think about besides you..'
I told Lauren, my girlfriend. She looked at me with a weak smile.
'I know you miss her, & i promise you that we'll find her.'
She said, rubbing my back. I smiled back at her. Wondering what was going through Carson's head right now..
*Carson's POV*
My thighs stung from the shower but i pushed through the pain as i was forced to sit down & have a family meal with the family i hate. I was forced to act like i like them & act like they like me. I was forced to act like what just happened two hours ago, didn't happen. All this because the new neighbors were coming over for dinner. Hopefully someone my age would be there. I would have someone? Finally...
'Carson! Sweetie! The Jenson's are here!'
My mother screamed in her fake voice. How i despised her.. I walked downstairs in my fully black outfit that i knew my mom would hate. My black hair was straightened & teased to perfection with thick black eyeliner & eyeshadow on my eyes with a layer of mascara as well. All my rings were in my piercings & as soon as i walked down the stairs & into the kitchen, my mother gave me a disgusted look. But sitting at the table, in the seat i usually sat in was a very attractive boy about my age, wearing the same style of clothes as me with shark bites & his nose pierced as well. We were going to get along perfectly..
'Hello, I'm Carson.'
I said, with a sweet, genuine smile. I knew i'd get called a whore for that one..
'Hi, I'm Ian.'
He said back, with the same genuine smile. This was going to be good. After dinner was over, i started to clean off the table when Ian helped me. That was new. No one does that.
'Would you like to go for a walk after this? To get to know each other?'
Ian asked me. My mother looked at me like i better say no. I smirked.
'I would love that.'
After we were finished clearing off the table we walked on the main roads of L.A. Not knowing what we'd see. Just talking. We walked for an hour until his mom called.
'She wants me home.. You can come over.. I like you.. I like talking to you..'
Ian said, taking a hold of my hand. But in a friendly way. I smiled & nodded. This was the start of a great friendship.
'Why can't you do anything right?!'
My mother screamed at me, sending me down the stairs. I asked myself the same question. Why couldn't i do anything right? What was wrong with me? Why was i still living in this house where everything i did i was punished for? Mom ran down the stairs & started stomping on my ribs. This time it was cause i came home with a new piercing. I have including the piercing i'm getting beaten for, my septum, shark bites, & my tongue pierced. I knew coming home with it pierced was going to be a shit fit, but i wanted it done.
'Why the fuck would you have something like that done?! You disgusting piece of shit!'
My mom screamed, walking back into the kitchen. Clearly done. I wish all this was over, but it wasn't. I knew it never would be till i turned 18. That was three years away.. Could i make it that long? I hoped so. I picked myself off of the floor right as another blow to my face came.
'Uhhhhhhhhh.'
I moaned. My mom walked away, really done this time. I walked into my room. The private place where my mom never entered & my dad only entered at night.. On Wednesday's & Friday's at 4am.. I was prepared every week & i tried every week to stop it, but i couldn't.. Once i was in my room the tears wouldn't stop flowing. I wanted it all to quit. I walked into the bathroom that was linked to my room & pulled out my blade.
'Why can't i be a normal teenager with lots of friends & a nice boyfriend?'
I mumbled, quietly to myself before slicing open my thighs. As an hour rolls by, my eyes are starting to roll into the back of my head from all the blood loss, but i can't let myself die as much as i want to.. Because if i didn't die quick enough & my parents found me, i would be in a lot of trouble. I picked myself up off of the floor & grabbed a towel out of the linen cabnet. I cleaned all the blood from the floor & patted my legs down. I jumped into the shower as i watched the blood pour down the drain. I sat on the bathroom floor & cried.
'I want to die.'
I said as i heard both of my parents leave the house.
'Please, who ever 's up there, weather you're a god or not, take me away from all of this.. I can't handle it anymore. Please...'
I whispered the last part. I didn't want to be here anymore.
*CC's POV*
If i could find her, my life would be complete. I had the women of my dreams & my band was already amazing, now i just needed my sister. Carson had been gone from me for such a long time... I'm 27 now & Carson is 15. I haven't seen her since she was Six. That's nine long years of seeing my little sister.. My parents just took her & left. I don't know where they went to, they never stayed in contact.. But, i think that was the point. If i could just see her beautiful smiling face one more time, i would be happy.
'Lauren, i need to find her.. She's all i think about besides you..'
I told Lauren, my girlfriend. She looked at me with a weak smile.
'I know you miss her, & i promise you that we'll find her.'
She said, rubbing my back. I smiled back at her. Wondering what was going through Carson's head right now..
*Carson's POV*
My thighs stung from the shower but i pushed through the pain as i was forced to sit down & have a family meal with the family i hate. I was forced to act like i like them & act like they like me. I was forced to act like what just happened two hours ago, didn't happen. All this because the new neighbors were coming over for dinner. Hopefully someone my age would be there. I would have someone? Finally...
'Carson! Sweetie! The Jenson's are here!'
My mother screamed in her fake voice. How i despised her.. I walked downstairs in my fully black outfit that i knew my mom would hate. My black hair was straightened & teased to perfection with thick black eyeliner & eyeshadow on my eyes with a layer of mascara as well. All my rings were in my piercings & as soon as i walked down the stairs & into the kitchen, my mother gave me a disgusted look. But sitting at the table, in the seat i usually sat in was a very attractive boy about my age, wearing the same style of clothes as me with shark bites & his nose pierced as well. We were going to get along perfectly..
'Hello, I'm Carson.'
I said, with a sweet, genuine smile. I knew i'd get called a whore for that one..
'Hi, I'm Ian.'
He said back, with the same genuine smile. This was going to be good. After dinner was over, i started to clean off the table when Ian helped me. That was new. No one does that.
'Would you like to go for a walk after this? To get to know each other?'
Ian asked me. My mother looked at me like i better say no. I smirked.
'I would love that.'
After we were finished clearing off the table we walked on the main roads of L.A. Not knowing what we'd see. Just talking. We walked for an hour until his mom called.
'She wants me home.. You can come over.. I like you.. I like talking to you..'
Ian said, taking a hold of my hand. But in a friendly way. I smiled & nodded. This was the start of a great friendship.
9/6/13