I am Jessica Pitts.

When I woke up next the bed was empty besides the messed up sheets. I let out a soft moan as the urge to just fall back asleep was almost too hard to resist. I pushed my head back against the pillow and closed my eyes for a second.

Suddenly all the events that happened last night crashed against my skull with a wave of regret. I was hoping cc would just forget it, praying he would. I opened my eyes to check the time.

This made my eyes snap open seeing the numbers '1:00' flash red across the alarm clock. Knowing it wouldn't be long before Ashley came into get me I crawled out of bed and stood up to stretch my body out.

After quickly throwing some clothes on I made my way out of our tiny bedroom and into the hallway. I walked towards the living room but as I got closer worried voices echoed softly against the walls making me stop and listen.

"I just don't know what else to do man, I think medicine is the only way to help her right now"

A cloud of anxiety roared against my chest at CC's words. Half of me was hoping that he would forget about last night but deep down I knew he wouldn't.

" I agree with you but, only if she agrees, I don't want to push her and have her hate us" A heavy sigh escaped CC's lips.

"Ashley, she's not going to want to and I don't want to let her continue with this and come home from tour to find her dead in the fucking bathroom" CC's words no doubt scared Ashley but also shot some reality into my life.

He was right, all it would take was a small trigger to send me off the deep end with nobody around to save me. Still the way they talked about it made me feel more and more like a crazy person and I hated that.

Before Ashley had a chance to say anything I walked into the living room. Cc and Ashley both turned their heads to me in surprise as Lauren watched silently.

" Don't stop on my account. please, keep going, educate me on how fucked up I am"

The words brought sadness to cc and Ashley's faces and I instantly regretted being as harsh as I was, they just wanted to help.

"Baby, come here"

Without another word I slumped over to where Ashley was on the couch and fell beside him. He wrapped his arms around me and pressed a gentle kiss to my head. I slowly tried to prepare myself for the talk that I had just threw myself into.

"We just care" A deep sigh escaped my tired lungs as I sat up from his body.

" I know you do, and I appreciate it I just, it's just hard for me to admit that I have an actual problem" They all nodded sadly again before Lauren spoke up.

" I know it's hard but sometimes admitting you have a problem is the first step to solving it"

With that cc smiled at his girlfriend before leaning in the couch towards me.

" she's right.Jess,this isn't just the innocent little sadness you used to feel. You're depressed, you have a mental illness and it can't be taken lightly. Last night scared the crap out me. All I saw was you sitting on our balcony with a razor to your wrist, what would have happened if I didn't come out huh?"

His words rammed into me along with some more reality and I took a deep sigh. They were right. I didn't want them to be but I knew they were. All these years I had pushed my feelings thinking it was normal to feel that way and it is, to a point and I knew that I crossed that point a long time ago.

" I probably would've used it"

At my words they both nodded their heads in sadness even though they knew the answer.

"Exactly, listen it's all up to you but something needs to happen, a therapist, medication, maybe both?"

The thought of all of those made me want to tear my hair out of my head. Warm tears started to puddle against my eyes. My body shook slightly catching Ashley's eyes and it was only a few seconds before my body was pulled into Ashley's.

"Shh it's okay" I shook my head into his chest as more tears soaked his shirt.

" I wish I was normal, I didn't ask to be born like this or even at all and I fucking hate it! Why wasn't I made with a happy brain, why was I born with this" My voice was slightly mumbled and ragged due to the heavy breathing but I didn't care only let the tears slowly run out as the room fell silent. Ashley held onto me tightly and rocked me slightly until I calmed down.

"Jess, you're perfect the way you were" My head shook violently at the words I refused to ever believe.

"I just wish I was normal"

My voice stuttered out and Ashley held my face with his warm hands. His hazel eyes dug into my cloudy ones and he gave me a gentle smile.

"How many times do I have to tell you? Normal is a setting on a washing machine and nobody wants to be that"

This brought a unforced smile Upon my lips making me feel better.

"I know"

With that he kissed my cheek again and I let out a numb sigh before looking at cc, Lauren and Ashley. I was thankful it was only them and not everybody else as having them all be here for my short breakdown would've only made me feel shittier. I let the words they said soak into my brain until I decided to admit defeat.

" you guys are right, I need help"

They all smiled at my words.

" how about next week? I'll make a doctors appointment and then we will take it from there?" I let my head nod up and down at Lauren's words letting a slow breath escape from my mouth.

Change is what I needed and what I've wanted. Moving to LA was my attempt to start that change but it was now that I realized I needed to change more than that to get my life together. It wasn't going to be easy but thanks to my family? I was about to.

"Sounds like a plan"

Notes

Hey guys! If you read my other stories you'll know that I'm back from my short hiatus! I hope you all enjoy and starting now I will update every single Wednesday for all my stories!