Remember

It has been too long since I have last written. It feels quite strange, really, almost as though a part of my life has been missing. For so long all of my thoughts have been typed out, forever out there for people to read whenever they please. Without that, it seems my mind has become over crowded with thoughts that could be easily forgotten within the tangled mess inside my head. I feel as though my mind would then be clear, things would then be easier.

Everything has been so complicated lately. More so than normal, and I blame none other than myself.

Remember that date I quickly mentioned in my last entry? It never happened. I realise how disappointing that is. I had been looking forward to having an entry gushing about everything that happened on the date. Even through my insecurities, I forced myself to think positive to find all the good things. Writing that entry was one of those good things, but after I had gotten fully dressed in my best attire, making to to look utterly perfect for Andy... He never showed up.

I had just finished dressing when the door bell sounded, and as quickly as I could I made my way downstairs in hopes of greeting Andy before Mum. Instead I was greeted at the bottom of the stairs with Riktor who informed me that Andy would not be showing up.

I couldn't handle that.

I couldn't handle all the thoughts that filled my mind after he told me that. I didn't even give him a chance to tell me why. Instead I found myself escaping to my room, letting my thoughts consume my person to the point of an unrecognisable mess. They overwhelmed me; brought forth an itch that needed desperately to be scratched. I could have—should have ignored it, but I clearly didn't.

Two days ago I woke up to bright whites and loud beeps, a steady hum of movement behind the door. Now I'm stuck here until, hopefully, the beginning of next week for fear of me doing it again. The only reason I'm even able to type this to you is because Riktor brought his phone. After much begging on my part, I got him to agree to allow me to update you guys on what's going on with me.

Send help. This place is a mess, and I want out.

Rhys is supposed to come visit me tomorrow. I really cannot wait! I am so excited to see him again. I have noticed that he and Riktor have been getting a lot closer. Secret lovers? I think it may be a possibility. Wouldn't that be something? A person who is quickly becoming my best friend and my cousin getting together... Sounds like it could be a disaster for me if they ever break up... If they ever even got together in the first place, that is. Though, I want them both happy. I approve regardless. They can be friends or more. It doesn't matter to me as long as they are both truly happy.

Riktor has been trying to convince me to agree to having Andy visit me. Why would Andy even want to waste his time on a nobody like me? He obviously meant nothing he said that night; obviously didn't want to date me, so why would I give permission for him to see me while I'm here? No. Why would I want him around me at all? He's better off in LA, where he belongs. I have accepted that we are from two opposite words, and there is no point in us trying to mesh them together any longer. It is only causing a larger mess for everyone.

He needs to give up.

I already have.

There is only so much a person can take before they're done;

with everything.

Notes