Nothing went according to anyone's plan, and I've no-one to blame save for myself. I kept running. Every time he tried to make things right, I messed it all up. I forced myself away as to save myself pain that- most likely- never would have come. Though, if we were to become friends again and he left…I wouldn't take it well.

I don't know what to do. I feel like Riktor is now going to be mad at me. I don't want that, but I ditched him, left him at Warped Tour alone. Well, he wasn't technically alone. Reena, Rhys, and Black Veil Brides was with him last I knew. I never did get Rhys' number. That's upsetting. I really wanted to keep in touch with him.

Just writing this entry is depressing me. I swear I let out a sigh after every sentence.

When I got home, the first thing I did was lock myself in my room. I did some things I regret. Some things that some of you don't know about, but I did it. I'm sorry, but I did. I looked myself in the eye through the mirror all the while. Just looking at my face, I saw why he left in the first place. I'm hideous. He'd never want someone like me around. All his new friends are gorgeous. They're what you'd see famous people hanging around, but me? I'm not worth it, and my looks are far from anything positive.

Why can't I just end it all? Set myself off to a whole new world.

I need to forget. I need to get away. I need a whole new me.

Notes

title credit: don't mess with ouija boards - falling in reverse