I'm a Loaded Gun (Part 2)

Crow and Whiskey spooked and ran off up the stairs. I was light headed, my heart racing, and adrenaline coursing through my body. It was like my brain froze. It was a panic attack. I knew it, and there was nothing I could do.

Jinxx rolled over, brushing glass of of his hair, off his shirt, and off his bare arms.

"WHAT THE FUCK? I LEAVE FOR AN HOUR AND I COME HOME TO FIND YOU TWO FUCKING MAKING OUT ON MY COUCH?" Andy yelled, pointing to his chest.

Jinxx stood up shakily, "Andy its not what you think!"
"Then what the fuck is it Jinxx?! Why did I come home and find my supposed best friend making out with my fiancé! Explain that to be motherfucker!" Andy's face was a mix of sheer anger and pain. The veins in his arms were prominent as his knuckles clentched.

My brain wasnt working with my mouth, I wanted to scream to Andy that Jinxx had kissed me and it wasn't a love affair. It wasn't cooperating. I sat there, unable to speak or move, panic attack taking over. That's when the tears exploded and I because choking on my own sons and the clutching my tightening chest as it felt like the jaw of life were crushing my sternum. "Get the fuck out of my house!" Andy screamed at Jinxx, shoving him out the door, and slamming the door shut behind both of them.

I found my legs. I sprinted out the door. Jinxx was no where in sight. But Andy was in the car, pulling out the driveway. As fast as my legs carried me I followed the car until Andy stopped at the corner. I gabbed the passenger side handle and yanked it but the the door was locked. The window cracked open and with tears streaming down my face, "Andy...Andy please stay. I know this is bad, but just...just hold your tongue and hear me out. Please...Andy, please!"

His hands tightened on the steering wheel and his face stayed forward, his face tightened and scrunched up pain and anger. His hand his the throttle and the car peeled off, leaving me standing in the corner, crying harder than I ever thought was possible.
I ran back into the house, collapsing into a broken mess on the floor. I was alone. The worst thing in the world for me during a panic attack. I staggered across the room. I needed a hot shower. It was the only thing. I had to crawl basically blinded my own tears. The pain was getting worse and I couldn't stop trembling. I got to the bed room, laying on the floor. I pushed my hair out of my face. A box marked, "PARTAY!:) " was right across from me. I knew very well what was in it. I rushed over, tearing the top off, marveling at the amber liquids inside. All in their own bottles, my poisons. My personal alcohol stash.

I fumbled with the top of the jack Daniels, crying more as I struggled with it. The top finally unscrewed and I tipped the bottle upside down, filling my entire mouth before swallowing and crying more with the numbing burn in my stomach. I crawled into the bathroom, leaning against the tiles as I continued to sob. What a fucking fool I was. Andy's not coming back. He doesn't want me anymore. He left me on the fucking corner crying. I took another huge swig of the harsh liquor. What a damn fool I was. Why do I even bother trying? Each mouthful was a little better. Looks like another wasted night, literally. Ill do anything to keep him off my mind. I'll erase this experience and my whole memory if I fucking have to. I'll lose myself in this bottle of Jack. He's gone. I kept drinking, and drinking, and drinking, until I couldn't even remember my name, let what what the hell I was crying about. The last drop of alcohol in the bottle fell on my tongue. I dropped the bottle and it shattered against the tile. A shard flew away from the body of the bottle, right into my bare leg next to it. But I didn't react. I only smiled at the numb pain and the sight of the red life dripping from my leg. Why did I ever stop cutting? This...this felt good. My drunken mind told my hand to take the shard, and so my clumsy hand did that, ripping the piece from my thighs and reinserting it a few centimeters down from it. I continued to smile. But that's when the alcohol hit my blood. I was more than dizzy, I was...I was...

Notes

Yeah.. So I'll probably have another part out again tonight... I just felt like I needed to give this you guys after what I did to you in the last chapters.

This chapter was inspired by the song "Wasting All These Tears" by Cassadee Pope