I gazed out the window of the diner, directly across from Grace’s workplace, waiting for her to leave the brothel. I couldn’t let it go now that I’d seen her. What she’d told me last time I saw her was chugging around my head like a loud locomotive.

‘What was I doing here?’ I kept thinking. ‘So many things could have happened since then. Maybe the baby died? Maybe she had a miscarriage? What did Grace do after I basically left her? Why did she drop out of school? Why didn’t I ever see her again? Where did she go?’ There were so many questions I wanted answers to.

Ashley had gotten what he came for and I never went through with it. Stella approached me when I was standing there in shock, having just recognized Grace. I told Stella I only came because a friend forced me to and I’d wait in the waiting room. She giggled and said she ‘had my back’. I’m guessing I wasn’t the only person who came to say I’d used their services when truthfully I hadn’t.

I jumped up as I saw Grace leaving the property. She had put on a long duffle coat which I’m assuming was designed to cover the lingerie she was wearing underneath. She was putting something in her plain black bag slung over her shoulder. I had already paid for my milkshake on the counter in front of me, which was now finished, so I tipped the lady who served me and I walked out into the now relatively busy street.

I followed her, and other townspeople, down the street, hearing the clicks and clacks of high heels. She turned a corner and kept going, patting her hair into place as it flew in the wind. She went down a couple of different streets which weren’t nearly as busy as the first. She came to a brown colored building which looked like it’d been an office in its prime. The sign ‘Cali Childcare: Caring for our future generations’ was slapped on the front window.

So the baby hadn’t died. She hadn’t had a miscarriage. She’d had the baby…my baby. Jesus, it sounded weird thinking that. My stomach was full of fluttering butterflies. I slowly down my pace as she went down the staircase adjoining the front of the building, down to the building’s level. I saw her hair swift behind her through the iron bar fence before disappearing. I kept walking straight past the corner building and heard the door close behind her.

I slowed and leant against the brick wall, grabbing out a cigarette. I was getting tense. Why? I had no fucking idea! Why the fuck am I getting nervous when Grace hasn’t even noticed me?! I lit it up and took a long drag. I just wanted to see the kid. It might not even be mine. It may not even be the same child she claimed to be pregnant with all those years ago. I had always pushed the idea of the pregnancy to the back of my mind, telling myself she was probably lying.

Once I’d finished my cigarette and a few moments had gone by, I heard the door and the clacking of heels over the bustling people. My ears pricked up at the sound of a child’s voice. I felt my heart stop in anticipation.

“Mommy, guess what?” My heart skipped two beats. It sounded like a little boy.

“What, sweetie?” I heard Grace’s alluring voice. It still sounds the same.

“Anthony brought in his Transformer toy and it was so cool!” It was definitely a boy.

“Ooh, really?”

“Yeah, it had three colors!” He boomed with delight.

I heard the squeak of the iron gate and the bang as it shut. My entire body stiffened. I had to follow her now, whether it was my kid or not. I wriggled closer to the edge of the building.

“Oh, wow! Did he let you…?” I heard her voice fade away.

I peered around the corner and watched as they walked in the opposite direction. I kept a safe distance behind them and smiled as the boy skipped beside Grace. He was willing to hold her hand as they crossed four streets. I heard the trees sway as we passed the train station. I took note of it as Ashley had already left, now satisfied, so I’d use the train home. I was thankful he didn’t ask too many questions as to why I was staying. To be honest, she didn’t give a shit.

The pair headed into a very plain looking district made up of apartments. Further into it, I started to notice certain things. One or two buildings were run down with broken windows and without doors. The streets were dirty. This was the type of area you wouldn’t want to live in if you could help it.

Towards the end of the road, however, it looked cleaner but wasn’t made up of apartment buildings. Hotels filled the end of the street and the pair went to the least expensive looking one, despite the ‘no vacancy’ sign. Curiosity filled my head. They were living in a hotel? My son was growing up in a hotel? If he’s my kid, that WILL NOT be happening for much longer! My son is not growing up in a hotel!

They walked straight through the arch driveway to a staircase beside the first block of rooms. I very slowly took my time following. I looked up from the first flight of steps when I knew they were on the third. They still hadn’t noticed me behind them. Cautiously, I crept up and stopped at the beginning of the hallway, watching as Grace unlocked one of the doors further down. The boy was prattling on like a little chatter box as she did so. They went inside and the door was shut and locked straightaway. I even heard the bolt form where I was standing.

I went to the door and took note of the room number. I felt sick and there was no way I’d be able to knock on that door. My curled fingers went up but my arm dropped straight down.

No, I couldn’t do this.
…

Grace

“Mom, please! This isn’t fair!” I yelled.

I wasn’t scared anymore. I was angry. They couldn’t just try and get rid of me. I’m their daughter! To them, I’m not a mosquito splattered on their car windshield, but rather an animal that ran in front and got hit, damaging the car. That’s all they care about; the damage.

“Leave, would you!” my mum yelled back through the screen door at the front of the house.

“You can’t just kick me out! I’m your daughter!” I shouted. I was getting flustered. Andy’s rejection and now this was ruining my week.

“I wish you weren’t! Now, get off our property!” She yelled back. That hurt. I swallowed down this feeling of uneasiness

“Mom…!” I whined annoyingly.

I took the handle and pulled the handle about. I was trying to irritate her to the point where she’d give in. The tactic had been successful on her before, but she’d always turn to dad to stand up for her because he didn’t give in. I’m hoping dad wasn’t there.

This was stupid! She knows what this is like! She got pregnant with me out of wedlock and both her and my father’s parents forced them to get married. She should at least be a little sympathetic!

I heard thumping around the house, getting louder as she got closer to the door. I exhaled with aggravation. I heard the door ‘click’ unlock as I wiped my hands down the sides of my thighs. My jeans were beginning to feel tight.

My mother’s hair flew about her face as she swung the screen door open so hard it thundered against the wall. Before my mouth could even fall open in response, ‘SLAP!’ A deep, burning sensation ripped across my cheek as my head fell to the side and my eyes shut in pain. My hand, covered with dry tears, soon joined my cheek.

“Mom…” I whimpered. A low, long gasp drew out of my lungs.

“No.” She grabbed my shoulders and turned me around to face the front garden. She shoved me down the porch steps and down the path. If I’d fallen, she wouldn’t have cared.

“Get out!” she screeched, almost making my ears bleed. Trying to ignore those who were looking at us peculiarly in the street, I turned back to look at her. She was already strutting up the steps.

“Can you at least give me my things?” I called out to her. The sting was sore as I looked at my hand after taking in off my face.

She stopped where she was, on the edge of the porch. She put her hand in the air with her index finger up.

“Give me a minute,” she went inside.

Her manner of walking as she went away was normal and carefree. There was not even a hint of aggression. Well, that’s weird? Though, I was truly grateful. Otherwise, I’d have nothing. Not even Andy. I wouldn’t even have the baby until about 7 months time.

…

Andy

“This is really yummy,” Ashton told me while chewing on some of his fries. I smiled.

“Which part: the chicken or the fries?” I asked.

“Everything,” he placed another two fries in his small mouth. I chuckled in response.

Soon, we’d both finished and I put the empty packaging into one box to put in the bin on the way out.

“Um... Daddy?” Ashton asked with inquisitiveness written across his adorable face. The butterflies returned suddenly; all because he used the word “daddy”.

“Yes Ash?”

“Can – Can I please go on the playground?” he asked. “You can come too if you like,” he added quickly. I loved his quick remarks. He’s already a gentleman.

“Sure you can. I don’t think I will though, Ash. They are rules about how old you have to be to play on them. I’m too old. But you can still go,” I explained. He fleetingly looked down at the table in disappointment.

“If you don’t want to go by yourself I can go outside with you and sit while you play so you’re not alone,” I offered. His face brightened.

I pushed the door open for him and followed him out to the play equipment. We heard the shrieks of other children playing and the chatter of parents sitting at tables nearby.

“I’ll just be sitting here, all right?” I told him. He nodded and ran up the stairs to the first platform.

I was immersed in the chatter of parents and little children laughing but having nothing to do; I play on my phone and thought of a few quirky tweets to post. I didn’t want to ruin this moment with phone calls explaining the situation. I just wanted to enjoy time with my son. I’ll do that later.

“Daddy! Look at me!” I heard Ashton’s voice declare, full of joy.

I looked up with a smile on my face to find my boy at the top of the slide, sitting cross-legged. When he saw I was watching, he spun around in his spot to face the other way. I stiffened with uneasiness. I didn’t want him to fall down backwards.

“Be careful, Ash! Don’t make me come up there!” I called out. I’d never imagined having to say that. He lay down and slid down backwards on his back.

“Tada!” he jumped to his feet. I grinned at him.

“Very clever, mister. Be careful, won’t you?” I warned him. He nodded before galloping back up the stairs to join the other children.

“Is that your son?” asked a young lady sitting by herself at a nearby table. I was a little startled but smiled humbly at her.

I nodded before replying, “Yes, his name’s Ashton.”

“He’s very cute,” she remarked. I smiled and nodded in agreement, watching Ashton go down the slide again. “How old is he?” she asked as Ashton skipped over to us.

That was when it hit me: I didn’t know. He wasn’t old enough for school just yet. I couldn’t accurately guesstimate his age because I didn’t know how far along Grace was when I found out she was pregnant. Or when she gave birth as a matter of fact. I also didn’t know whether he had his birthday yet. Hiding the fact that I didn’t know, when Ashton got to us, I asked him.

“Ash, this nice lady wants to know how old you are.”

“Oh, I’m four years old!” he said proudly, displaying four fingers. I took note of the number in my head.

“My, my, my, you are all grown up,” the lady replied with a gentle smile. Asthon gave a cheesy grin before running back to the play equipment.

“If you don’t mind my asking, how old are you?” the lady asked, curiosity and a hint of judgment – which she was trying to cover up – present in her tone.

Not sure on how to respond, I answered, “I’m almost twenty-one.” One of her eyebrows went up and alarm spread across her face.

“So, you were 16 when Ashton was born?” she asked for confirmation. Frankly, I was offended by her continual prying.

“Yes,” I answered, emotionless. “Why do you ask?”

“You just seem so young. Do you really think you’re responsible enough to raise a child?” she asked rudely. I just looked at her. If she hadn't offended me before, she had now. She was questioning my parenting.

“I didn't mean to insult you but maybe if you weren't responsible enough to have safe sex, maybe you’re not responsible to raise a child,” she said uncouthly. My mouth fell open.

“Listen lady, that’s a very broad assumption. You’re under the impression contraception wasn’t used and young people aren’t capable of looking after children. Whether safe sex was practiced or not is none of your goddamn business and it depends on the young person and their level of maturity and insightfulness as to whether they’re going to be good parents. Have you ever thought maybe the baby was planned? Who the hell are you to judge? Take my advice: next time, keep your mouth shut.” I stood up as she gawked momentarily at my response.

“Come on Ashton, let’s go,” I called out to him. I heard him give an “aww” somewhere inside the playground but he came over to me.

“Look, I really didn’t mean t-” I ignored her, turning my back to her as I took Ashton’s hand in mine and headed for the door.

“Bye, bye,” Ashton waved to her sweetly. Her face, encompassed with humiliation, managed a smile for him as the door shut behind us.