the new girl down the street - Comments

No problem :D it just made things sound weirder than what they should've been

sorry I didn't catch that when I was proofreading I'll go back and fix it thank you

@DayTripper

sorry I didn't catch that when I was proofreading I'll go back and fix it thank you

@DayTripper

Heeey booski, could you maybe edit your chapters? You have rape confused with wrap and it's giving some parts of this story a creep factor O.o

@BVB_fallenangels02

working on the next chapter now

good story! update soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hehe I found you

hehe I found you

hehe I found you

@Shaelynn purdy

Urgh, had a whole comment written out but it didn't post, having problems with my computer at the moment, but what the comment said was, no problems, any bring to help out a new writer :) hope the tips help :)

@chipmunkcalling

thank you I have ever typed up and ill fix the block and I know I am not the worlds best righter that is Edger Allen Poe... and yes I would love some of your favorets

Ok, so I'm gunna critique you on your writing. First off, grammar, you need to capitalise you titles, names and at the beginning of sentences. Secondly, formatting, just looking at the massive block of text on chapter one put me off reading it, format paragraphs and speech and it will help bring readers in, I know I'm not the only one on this site that will take one look and think "no I can't read that" and come out of the story. And lastly, spelling, use a spell checker if in doubt, if you're using a computer write in a word document and it'll check your spelling for you, if you're using your phone or tablet get google docs, it's free and you're able to access you document from anywhere, be it computer or phone. I have not read the story past the first chapter because of these points, I know it's your first story but in all honesty I cannot read it, I am not trying to be mean or whatever, I have made these points to help you improve as a writer. I don't pretend to be the worlds best writer, because I know I'm far from it, I've only been writing for about three years, but if you want have a look over some of my work, or look up Broken Wing, thatscalledyes and kmfabritz, these are some of my favourite authors on the site. Take notes from their writing, or even your favourite published authors to see how to improve.
I hope this helps you

@Shaelynn ferguson
No problem

@We Are The Black Veiled Brides

thanks

-jumps up and down- Yay!!! A new story to read!!!! And it's Jinxx!!!!! I love it already